Thursday, January 16, 2014

Chris Chase Writes About Jerry Jones Glasses

This is a blast from the past of one of the classic articles written by USA Today writer Chris Chase where the title reads:

Jerry Jones’ son-in-law wipes his glasses for him (PHOTOS)

(Picture credit: NBC screenshots)

In an article where the pictures take up most of the page, it appears that he ran out of ideas on what to write about. Since lots of people wanted to know who wiped his glasses, an investigation was launched!

Chris Chase goes on to report:

The glasses-wiper was later identified as Shy Anderson, the husband of Jerry’s daughter, Charlotte.

Let’s recap: Jerry Jones has his son-in-law wipe his glasses for him at football games.

Since real sports news stories were being written by someone else, thankfully the mystery was solved since Chris was determined to find this out above all other sports news! It will really benefit us to know this important fact about Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones because we care.

Full Story Here

More Chris Chase:

Peyton Manning tips in restaurant

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

USA Today Writer Chris Chase Rips Joe Flacco

The widely known and respected USA today writer Chris Chase rips Joe Flacco’s touchdown celebration. Really? Of all the things to write stories about, you choose this topic! Maybe I am wrong and that is what real journalism is about, what do I know, I made a blog dedicated to how much Chris Chase of USA today sucks. Yikes!

Back to the issue at hand now…

Quoting from his blog post:

It’s like when a walk-on gets in a college basketball game and everyone thinks it’s cute because he’s going to dribble off his foot or shoot a free throw underhanded like he’s Ollie from Hoosiers. Except that the walk-on is a really good basketball player. On the court with Division I stars, he looks like a scrub, But if he came to your pickup game, he’d dominate and you’d be like, “that guy’s amazing!”

It’s all relative. Except for that touchdown spike; that was awful.

Of all the things that would warrant an article being written, I don’t know why this was chosen. Maybe there was absolutely nothing else going on in the world of sports and this was the hot story at the moment? Most likely not! 

Has Chris Chase’s writing career resorted to just writing about quirky things like this touchdown celebration? I think I know your answer to that!

You might think that this is a total non story to write about, but seeing that Chase Sucks we can’t expect much less. Or can we!

Also see this story of him at Yahoo! Sports talking about a tip that Peyton Manning left at a restaurant. Trust me, that story is very interesting and worth dropping everything you are doing to read. Sarcasm.

More great stories from Chris Chase from USA Today and his ftw blogs.

Chris Chase on Twitter

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Sports Writer Chris Chase Writes About Cartoons!

Talking about the Olympics and their mascot is like… talking about the Olympics! Nobody cares about either subject!

Basics:

A red-haired cartoon baby who appears on the package of Israel’s most popular snack food won’t be the official mascot of the nation’s Olympic team after all.

Chris Chase deems it worth talking about though. Why??? Slow Olympics news day?

Even he knows that he’s writing about stupid stuff! He writes:

We’re talking about a mascot, for Pete’s sake. It’s not like they were letting the kid carry the flag at the Opening Ceremony.

Please tell me why we’re talking about a mascot in the first place, Chris! Ha!

As usual, the comments section is better than the article!

-Oh come on Chris. It’s like you’re not even trying anymore.

-chris chase looks like adam lambert LMAO

-Reading a Chris Chase article is like putting hot needles in your eyes.

-Chris Chase’s momma is like a brick. Heavy, dirty, flat on both sides, & always getting laid by Mexicans.

-Speaking of babies, I dropped the duece of a lifetime this morning. I named him Chris Chase. Yahoo, please follow my lead and flush Chris Chase.

-Chris Chase poops in his hand then gently places in in the toilet to make less noise.

-Actually write about something interesting for once.

-Wow, Chris Chase„„you were such an ugly baby„„

-I tried reading Chase’s analysis of this crisis, but it turns out I don’t care.

More:

Chris Chase Blog on Yahoo Sports

Chris Chase Yahoo

Chris Chase Writes About A Unibrow

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Chris Chase Writes About Man Mispronouncing Wimbledon!

A Nebraska contestant on Jeopardy pronounced Wimbledon like “WimbleTIN”

Chris Chase of Yahoo! Sports writes:

Alright, first off, he didn’t say “Wimble-TON.” He said “Wimble-TIN,” Trebek. Neither is right, but the least you could have done with accurately quote his mistake. (Leave it to Trebek to smarmily add that “very clearly.” If it was so clear, why didn’t you hear it first, bub?)

I’m not sure why Chris Chase is writing a blog about Jeopardy and Wimbledon since most sports fans don’t care for either! Go figure. No other hard hitting news going on, eh?

Comments about the article from the post:

-hahaha…gotta love Chris articles. Sooo much fun to read! Keep up the good work! We ALL LOVE YOU!!!

-why is this news?

-Chris Chase is a tool. (all said in proper English). Save Journalism Fire Chris Chase

More:

Chris Chase Reports: Peyton Manning Tips In Restaurant!

Chris Chase Writes About A Unibrow!

Chris Chase of Yahoo Sports “Sitting on the toilet” Remixed

Chris Chase doing the “Sitting on the toilet” song, remixed. (Parody)

Watch on youtube: Chris Chase Yahoo

Chris Chase Writer For Yahoo

Monday, March 12, 2012

Chris Chase Reports: Peyton Manning Tips In Restaurant!

Peyton Manning leaves generous tip, server gets fired for posting a photograph of bill

The restaurant included its own 18 percent gratuity, bringing the tab to about $739, and Manning added another $200 on top — roughly -a 50 percent tip.

BREAKING NEWS! FOOTBALL PLAYER PEYTON MANNING IS A GOOD TIPPER! NOW BACK TO WORK!

original story here

Thanks for the heads up, Chris! Will Manning always be your fantasy football QB because of his actions off the field? Seems like this article was written by a homer bragging about the greatness of him! On second thought, I always see him drafted in the first round of my CBS draft so I will also become a Peyton homer! Now that I think about it, we signed up with them as our site to play FF. If you want to get a discount then just go get the CBS Fantasy Football Promo Code and use them. A lot better than yahoo fantasy football which is pretty lame!

Moving on….

Some of the best comments left for this article:

-Hopefully Yahoo fires Chris Chase for posting the photo here (Got 1303 Thumbs Up!)

-the waiter was fired for posting online. can we fire CHris Chase for the same thing. i hear theres a waiter looking for a job

-CHRIS CHASE = skip article, read comment

-Chris shame on you for writing a useless article, and posting peyton’s receipt. I thought I raised you better than that. you’re an embarassment, and you need to come home right now for a spanking and move out of my basement. btw, you also need to reimburse me for the remedial writing classes that I bought for you last year! (From Yahoo user “Chris Chase Mom” )

 

Chris Chase Writes About A Unibrow!

Chris, Just because

Anthony Davis’ mom wore a unibrow mask to the SEC championship

doesn’t mean that it deserves a column!

Looking at the comments section on yahoo, here are some comments, but it is not about Anthony Davis or his mom, most are about how Chris Chase Sucks!

-I sometimes wear a mask because of my son….But only because I’m so embarrassed by his articles.

-Chris Chase, the unibrow of Yahoo Sports.

-All jokes aside, thumbs up if you want Yahoo to get rid of Chris Chase.

-I would rather have a bushy unibrow than have the writing skills and creativity of Chris Chase.

-We’ve been “Chased”……..again!!!!!!

-Chris chase how bout you write about real news

-chris chase writing about unibrows now??? he makes me f***ing sick

Chris Chase

(Source: Yahoo!)